God, I am confused and angry. I am shaking my fist at you. I feel 
abandoned and afraid.
Oh my gosh, Lyn ….. What has happened that has made you so afraid?
Oh, nothing special or different than anything that happens every day. The same thing that happens when I remember that I have no job, no money, no car, nothing I can sell or pawn, no visible source of income. You know, Wednesday happened ……
I am beating myself up because it seems like every day there is a crisis. I buy into the fear. I forget that God is here. Then something good happens. Maybe I miscalculated my taxes and they owe me and I get a check in the mail. Maybe I find a $10 bill fluttering in the wind. Then I say, “Thank You God!! You are so good.” Until tomorrow when the electric bill comes in and I don’t have the money.
How I long for the moment that I KNOW God is here, I KNOW that I am not alone. Until then I feel like I am on a raft in a storm. Buffeted by the waves, I hang on for dear life, but when the storm is over and the sun is bright, I feel safe and happy. Until I need water, or food, or I get too hot, or sun burned…… never satisfied for more than a moment, I am in a constant state of unrest.
This is the ego state. A Course in Miracles says:
T-4.I.9. God is not the author of fear. 2 You are. 3 You have chosen to create unlike Him, and have therefore made fear for yourself. 4 You are not at peace because you are not fulfilling your function. 5 God gave you a very lofty function that you are not meeting. 6 Your ego has chosen to be afraid instead of meeting it.
So if all I need to do is to fulfill my function to be at peace, then what is my ‘function’?
T-4.I.13. 7 I need devoted teachers who share my aim of healing the mind. 8 Spirit is far beyond the need of your protection or mine. 9 Remember this:
10 In this world you need not have tribulation because I have overcome the world.
11 That is why you should be of good cheer.
Alright God, I believe you. I am a devoted teacher. I do want to heal my mind. I want to help you. But if I forget, I will look to you for a sign. Thank you for loving me….. sincerely, Lyn
